⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢 MUSIC + MEMORY ⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢

       Most of my music memory revolves around my childhood--songs tied to moments that pull me back through years of nostalgia. But music hasn't only been about remembering the past; it's also been an escape during difficult moments in my my life, shaping who I am both as a person and as a singer. There were times when music felt like it found me, helping me understand myself in ways words couldn't. It became my therapy.

    With music, songs from my past each are tied to a moment, an emotion, or a chapter of my life. Whether it helped me escape reality or face it head on, music has always been there, preserving my memories. Here are some examples. ♡♡♡

1.  When I was a little girl, I was completely obsessed with the Disney movie Enchanted. I can't even remember the first time I watched it--all I can remember is it being played over and over and over again. It got to a point where I memorized most of the script and would act out the scenes myself in my princess dresses. I fell in love with everything: the talking animals (especially Pip), dancing, the costumes, and the animated opening before Giselle was sent into the real world. Everything about the movie felt magical, with music being the core memory. Through Enchanted, I experienced so many emotions at a young age-- the idea of true love, the sadness of almost losing someone you care about, and hope. My favorite song from the movie is"That's How you know." The choreography, the scene transitions, and the way people of all ages came together to express love looked so freeing and fun. Every time I hear it, I can’t help but sing along.

2. From middle though the peak of COVID-19, I was going through a identity crisis🙂. I spent so much time trying to fit in convincing myself to be something that I was am not. Being stereotyped at such a young age deeply affected how I saw myself, especially when it came to music.

During quarantine and virtual schooling, I had that time explore who I was and what music truly resonated with me. That’s when I discovered PinkPantheress. Her song “Pain” went viral on social media, and I instantly fell in love with it. At the time, her identity was a mystery, but as more photos surfaced, I learned that she was a Black artist. Finding that out made me feel even more connected to her and, for the first time, comfortable with my own music taste.

PinkPantheress’s soft, gentle voice surprised me at 14 years old—and realizing
why it surprised me was quite honestly sad. Stereotypes had conditioned me to believe that certain sounds didn’t belong to people who looked like me. She showed me that music isn’t owned by one genre, one image, or one group of people. “Pain” became my awakening—a moment of realization that I didn’t have to fit into anyone else’s expectations. Now, the song is not more so a sad song, but it was a realization of the artist herself that I was just like her.

3. Okay lastly, the song that will always live ingrained in my head from when I was a child is the classic christmas song "Grandma Got Run Over By A reindeer."I would be absolutely petrified hearing this song during the holidays. There was a school that I used to go during my Pre-K year called Freedom Montessori School located in Rock Hill and during the holidays they would play cartoon christmas videos like Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red nose Reindeer. But, then when it got to "Grandma Got Run Over By A reindeer" I would refuse to look at it. Like I would cry. At that time my grandma owned a salon right across the street from the school so during her breaks she would come by and pick me up. Me and my Grandma had a very close relationship 🙂, so the idea of my grandma being taken out by a reindeer was unsettling and horrifying. I even remember the video showing the grandma in the cartoon actually getting ran over and she looks lifeless laying in the snow. Worst music video I've ever watched. Still haunts me.